Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Hate and Discontent

Everybody is angry around here...

It's that time in a long situation where they have given all of themselves that they can - and now they are tired and anxious and have reached their "putting up with crap" point. But still have a bit to go until total relief.

One girl I talked to called it "bitch" month...and that seems pretty accurate.

It's hard for me. I have some complaints from when we first got here, but pretty much - all is going well and I'm over it. I have 2.5 yrs left here and will be with the angry people for just a short time, but I will also be here with the people in charge for the rest of our time. I was fairly content, loneliness aside, being anonymous I realize.

'Cause now? People know me and since I'm new? They want to vent and warn and can't do it to the people they know. Great! Just great....only I don't really want to hear any of this. Really. I LIKE making my own judgements and DON'T want to hear about everybody...I can listen and be careful, but pretty much I just like to find out for myself....never have been one to learn from other's mistakes...

Now - I just stay sick at my stomach and wonder just what the heck we have gotten ourselves into...Hopefully, homecoming will heal most wounds and then mostly everyone is moving Stateside. Hopefully. I am now trying to avoid most of the people - I just don't want to listen to it. I can't FIX anything and I just want to stay in my content little world and wait until it's our turn to be involved.

OK. Now I have had my little snit and all is good!




Friday, September 19, 2008

Crazier Days....

And so it begins -

Karate, dance classes, cheerleading/football games, soccer season, Bear Scouts/Brownie Scouts, FRG, PTSA, VCSC, Stamp Club, Book Club....

Finally! After 6 mos of not much to do - I have my crazy life back. Yes, this means I have over-volunteered myself, yet again, and the kids have more activities than they know what to do with.

Yea!!!

I am tired, but loving it. I think people assume I am complaining when I mention our schedule - but really, I'm not. It's my life and it's how I like it. My sense of purpose - my "job" if you will...

It DOES mean that I am never home anymore and the majority of my time is spent in Vilseck, but you know what? There are PEOPLE in Vilseck - who TALK to me. Kids for my children to interact with...vs. the horrible, aching, loneliness that is Auerbach.
I'm talking "beat your head against the wall and just want to SCREAM out loud" loneliness... and boredom.

And I don't really even like to socialize all that much, so it's kind of odd... but it was still very depressing all summer.

All is MUCH better now!

:D


Sunday, September 14, 2008

Cub Scout Camp Out
















Ha! Yeah, yeah - I did it!
I actually had a great time...

So, you know camping is just not my thing. My parents were creatures of comfort and that's just the way it was - nice hotels at either the beach or the mountains. We DID spend a lot of time outdoors at the Lake - but again, we owned a nice house on the water...and because it was a house made of wood - I thought THAT was roughing it!

I enjoy being outdoors - just can't sleep there. ( OK - I can't sleep anywhere, really, but at least indoors I can stay awake in comfort!). Steven and the kids LOVE to go camping. I have even been known to go along a time or two... I just prefer nice hotels with maid service and a spa...

Luckily for me - the Girl Scouts have "Mommy and Me" weekends in nice cabins. They save the tent stuff for Daddy/Daughter weekends.
When I got the email saying the Cub Scouts were going for an overnight - BEFORE the Daddy got back - I just thought my head was going to pop off. MAN! No way was I going to let Bry miss out, but I SO didn't think I was up to it.

Well, apparently - I WAS. I didn't get lost getting us there. I got the tent up really quickly ( seriously? the only part I couldn't figure out and that the manufacturer did not include a diagram of was called a "guyline". Go figure...turns out it wasn't necessary either....HA!), I had everything we needed to be squared away, and I wasn't miserable...mostly ...

The boys had a ton of fun - they hiked and defended a "leprechaun" village. They learned flag etiquette, and helped cook our meals. We had a large campfire where they made yummy desserts, and the adults chatted while the boys played with Lumo Sticks....also,Bryan earned his "whittling chip" so that he can have a pocket knife at Camp-outs....( um yeah...we'll just see about that..).

The camping spot was just perfect and the day was gorgeous out....the only downside was the cold. And I mean, COLD, as in "Stupid Cold"....The day WAS really GORGEOUS - comfortable cool, not windy, tons of sun,Fall smells....but as soon as that sun went down? The clouds came in and the temperature dropped - quickly! I thought it was going to be perfect sleeping temperature - you know how I LOVE the cold!

Wrong. wrong, wrong, wrong......THIS cold was not good - the sleeping bag was broken, so it wasn't much help -I ended up in thermals, sweats, 2 prs of socks, 3 shirts ( 1 thermal), my jacket, AND wrapped in a fleece blanket -and I COULD NOT get warm enough to fall asleep. Also, the tent was not cool weather rated - so while it was getting wet outside? We were getting wet inside 'cause our body heat was turning to moisture and making everything damp...

I think it was the MOST miserable, sleepless night of my life. I was so grateful when morning came so we could get up. Bryan got woke up by the big boys outside and some of the other campers, but apparently the people near us didn't appreciate US being up, I guess...

Whatever. Turns out "Perfect" Scout Mom's aren't morning people, it would seem. Maybe they just needed coffee - who knows? I was just smug in my knowledge that I was in a pretty good mood, while THEY were not...Guess they are not better at this than me after all...:D

The Scout leaders made pancakes for breakfast, we all packed up , then it was time for devotional and home.
We had a great time, but we were ready to go!

Bryan's Scout leader, who is just precious, wants to do one for our Den in the Spring, with Dad's and "comfort" items - Oh YEAH! With comfort items and my own personal cuddle-buddy - I can't wait!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

9/11 "Lest We Forget"...

I feel so rotten. I forgot. Today, of all days, I forgot...

I didn't mean to - I had planned to discuss it with Twinz. I wanted to remind them before they left for school this morning, but I was back home and on the Internet before I remembered

The reason I wanted to talk with them about it was because the last 2 anniversaries, we were at Oak Mtn. and they never mentioned it to the kids at that school. That was just one of the many frustrations about being our kind of family "out of our element", you could say. The repercussions of that day continue to impact our particular way of life and will, in a huge way, for many more years to come.

I can't believe I forgot.

So, after school we went to eat before our busy evening and the Anniversary Memorials were being broadcast on the TV's overhead. Kailey said she knew what that was about and proceeded to talk about how the Japanese were our friends now ( don't ask - I'm not REAL sure?). Bryan , of course, felt the need to argue with her, even though his teacher hadn't discussed it at all. He did know more facts than she did - they just weren't the right ones...

I have been waiting for this for 7 years, I guess. Oh, we talk about it off and on when we have to explain certain things once again.They know 9/11 has to do with Afghanistan, Iraq and why 'Uncle Buddy' died. They have been to museums that had huge ,full displays showing everything - but it has been awhile. Now, I believe they are old enough to understand and know most of the details...

And I Just. Couldn't. DO. It.....I choked. Or got choked up rather. I'd start to correct or explain and then something on that big TV would catch my attention and my eyes would burn and my throat would catch. I just couldn't say anything...except, "Later - we'll talk later".

Only later never came. Home late - straight to bed.

I'm sorry. I'm SO, so sorry. I have now done the thing that I always blame the rest of the world for doing - Forgetting. And in my life - how that's even possible is beyond me. But I did.

Baby, Marisa, Buddy, all the rest...I'll do better - I promise.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Faaaaarm living is the Liiiife for me......






NOT!

There are some things I have learned to appreciate - the open space, the beautiful flowers,the deep ,emerald green carpets of grass on the hills... the smell of that freshly cut grass, and the wheat even. I am also surprised how much the growing of corn fascinates us. All summer we have gotten excited as those stalks have just gotten taller and bigger!

(Bryan thinks we have the smartest farmer in the world because our wheat and barley got harvested before the other farmers, and "our" corn is taller and growing faster than the ones out near Vilseck...)
BUT mostly? I can appreciate that we get to experience this, just for now, with the knowledge that it is temporary and we never have to do it again....

I hope. 'Cause then there's the downside to bountiful grains and emerald fields of grass - the fertilizer. Heavy, copious amounts of liquid chicken excrement that saturates the very air we breathe and everything around us...Not just once or twice a year like the rutabega farmers in Schweinfurt - oh no!

EVERYTIME they cut that grass, or plow that field, or it rains heavy, or the moon is pretty...whatever. All the time. Due to no air conditioning here - all windows must stay open all the time. Therefore, there is no escape. It makes everything reek! and causes our lungs to hurt, our noses to swell up and our eyes to water.

It also ruins perfectly good mornings...Nothing makes me happier and more refreshed than to end another sleepless night with the smell of cool, damp, fresh air coming in the window....Until it is shortly followed by the smell of wet manure and you start to gag...
Oh well! 2.5 yrs to go right?